In haze I’m lost and wandering
With endless fruitless pondering
A listless soul abused
By loss and love and ceaseless time
Brought to this emptiness
And left amid life’s grit and grime
Bereft, without aegis.
The cloying weight of “I don’t care,
I just can’t anymore”
Robs will and plunders all that’s there
And all I had before.
I’m lost, I’m lost, I cannot cry
I cannot reach for help
For asking fires the raging lie
That need will make all well.
I stand, I stand in life’s bleak haze
Alone, alone, the shout
Condemns me to my barren days
And mocks the wanting out.
No hope, no dream can reach me here
Imprisoned in this tomb.
Life’s penalty for love — severe:
“Be lonely from the womb,
For you deserve no better than
The trampling weight of life
Mere mortal, you and all your clan
Reap sickness death and strife.”
I stumble ill, I stumble blind
I’ll fall, I know I will
My hand outstretched so I can find
The sword that wounds me still.
And trembling in the darkness there
A hand, outstretched like mine.
I’m shaking in the starkness there
A hope, farfetched like mine?
A palm, sweet palm, caresses me
Brief, frightened as I am
But grasping, palm, it blesses me,
Thrilled, brightened as I am.
A fluttering heart within its grasp
And mine is there I know,
An offering, a swift handclasp
Assurance may bestow
“I’m here,” my quavering voice, it breaks.
“Together,” the reply.
And drawing close for friendship’s sakes
The darkness we deny.
My heart’s in hand. For you and you
And you I hold it out
Walk with me as we find our way
Through life’s deep trials and doubts.
We’ll stumble still, we’ll wander lost,
No answers can I give
But we will lift each other up,
Sweet solace’s how to live.